You know those radio programs where a caller shares a problem and the DJ gives some advice?

Last night, while riding a taxi, I chanced upon this girl sharing her love life issues - the usual parang-kami-pero-hindi then iniwan-nya-'ko-sabay-inaya-ulit-akong-lumabas dilemma. I kept smiling while listening because of the harsh/funny side comments of the DJ, and of course, because I can relate. I bet a lot of people will be able to relate to that kind of story.

In our recent conversations, Cherie has been calling me pa-fall*. Maybe I was. But I also experienced being on the other end (i.e. I also met a pa-fall guy).

After seeing both sides first-hand, I do understand that being pa-fall can be unintentional (emphasis on CAN BE; not IS). It can be an honest, innocent mistake. You can't label someone as a bad person just because he's been a heart-breaker. Maybe he has reasons, which he himself usually couldn't explain and figure out. When you're the "victim" in the situation, you won't accept that kind of bullsh*t, right? You'll just feel that you've been betrayed, that you've been had. Probably you'll eventually accept it when both of you have moved on already. But even then, it will take a lot of open-mindedness before you change your perception. In the case of the pa-fall, it will take a lot of courage to admit that although he might not mean to, he did become a heart-breaker.

Back to the girl on the radio. The DJ advised her, "It might really mean nothing to him. He might have tried to love you when you were dating, but he just wasn't in love with you enough to want to commit." The girl unsurprisingly said she was so stupid for hoping and believing, to which the DJ automatically replied, "Hindi ka tanga, nagmahal ka lang." Haha. It's cheesy and cliche, but it's true. In fairness, tawa lang talaga ako nang tawa while listening to their conversation. At feel na feel ko ang pagkanta ng "Let Me Be the One" by Jimmy Bondoc, which the DJ played after.

(If you've watched 500 Days of Summer) We all meet Summer's in our lives, and at some point, we also become a Summer. (Rough translation for those who didn't watch) We experience getting our hearts broken, but we also experience breaking hearts.

What's important is that we mature and learn from every heartbreak, so that by the time we meet our Autumn, we'll be more ready.


* "Hindi porke’t madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

Cebu Pacific seriously stressed me out. If you don't want to read pure whining and ranting, then stop right here.

I booked for my November 28-30 flight as early as July to avail of the 50% discount promo. Last October, however, I thought of extending my trip because apparently JVP will sponsor my fare. Kuya Glenn and I agreed that I will cancel my booking, and he will book me a new one.

It's impossible to cancel my booking online because Jodel and I have the same confirmation number. There is no option online of canceling only my flight and retaining Jodel's.

So I called CebuPac's hotline. Take note: my first call was only to inquire how much I'm going to pay for cancellation.

I told Operator #1 that I want to cancel my booking, because I am going to book a new one. He gave me an amount, but I didn't confirm yet.

I called again to officially cancel my booking. But Operator #2 told me that I might want to just rebook. The Php600 rebooking fee will be waived because my flights are both affected by the FLIGHT SCHEDULE CHANGES. Wait, what? He asked me, "Are you aware of the time changes, Ma'am?" In my mind, "How am I supposed to know?" But I just said no. So he told me the changes. And then because of these changes, I don't need to pay the Php600, only the fare difference. He even told me the exact amount.

I talked to Kuya Glenn, told him not to book me, and just reimburse the fare difference that I will pay.

I called 2 days after. Operator #3 again told me of the schedule changes and the waiving of the Php600 rebooking fee. But not only that, he also said that I don't need to pay ANYTHING. I asked him, "Are you sure? Because last time I called, I was told to pay the fare difference." He said yes and that maybe the operator I talked to last time wasn't informed yet of the rules. He also suggested that I think about it first and not decide yet, because the fees will already apply if I decide to rebook for the second time. He assured me that I can rebook even a day before my scheduled flight, with NO CHARGES.

So I delayed the rebooking just like he said, and thought about it carefully. I was so excited with the idea of free rebooking. I initially wanted to change only my departure flight, but eventually decided to extend my trip further and change my return flight too. After all, even if I change both flights, IT'S FREE!

I called earlier and gave the new sched that I wanted. Operator #4 told me that only my return flight is affected by the FLIGHT SCHEDULE CHANGE, so I will have to pay for the rebooking fee AND fare difference of the departure flight. WHAAAAAAT? But as far as I know, and as far as the last operator told me, both flights changed! He said, "Yes both flights changed, but we have this rule that if the change is less than 15 minutes, then the same fees apply. And also, your trip should also have the same interval. The original is only 3 days, so the new sched should also be 3 days so that there will be no penalties." Okay, he lost me.

Where are all those new rules coming from?

I called again out of sheer desperation, hoping against hope that Operator #5 will give me good news. She was in the middle of explaining to me, and then... *BUSY TONE*. Yup, she hung up! Maybe it's unintentional, but still! Everytime I call, I wait for 30 freakin' minutes (or more) before an operator picks up, another 10 freakin' minutes (or more) while he/she processes my information, and then you will hang up on me?

I tried again, only this time I was ready to throw a bitch fit.

Operator #6 was extra careful in answering my questions because I didn't even say hello. I complained straightaway about the inefficiencies of other operators. So anyway, I clarified the issue to her. She told me that I need to pay the fare difference because original schedule for my departure flight is 630AM, and then it was changed to 620AM - only a 10 minute-difference (for the fees to be waived, there should be a 15-minute diff). WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. I replied, "I was told that the new schedule is 605AM. How many times have you changed schedules already?" The girl checked again. Lo and behold, I was right! The new sched is 605AM, which means I really don't have to pay anything. I rebooked IMMEDIATELY, so that she won't have time to take it back.

I'm not sure if you understood my story. I know it's not that interesting; I just typed away to cool down.


To summarize:

1) The operators (or CSR's or whatever you call them) gave me different replies. As in. Walang nagtugma. So what if I believed any one of those who told me to pay? Php3000 down the drain?

2) CebuPac didn't inform me of the flight schedule changes. No e-mail, no text, not even an announcement on their website I think. I only found out because I called. How the hell are they going to inform other passengers? And when? The flight's next week already!


But whatever. The important thing is I've rebooked already, and it's free.

Sleeping all day keeps worries away.

I think I had more than 30 hours of sleep last weekend. I woke up only to eat and check my online accounts, and then I immediately went back to sleep. A huge chunk of those 30+ hours, I was only half-asleep. But who cares? So long as my eyes were shut and my mind was pseudo-blank - still wandering albeit unconsciously - it didn't matter.

Sleep was my sweet escape, especially because I wasn't ready to deal with any of the freshly-baked issues yet.

Of course there's no way that I can sleep forever. Now that I'm back to reality, it's time to make a decision and BE FIRM WITH IT.

I haven't reached my snapping point*, though I'm sensing that I'm getting closer to it each day.

Oo sa lagay na 'to, pakiramdam ko hindi pa 'ko nasasagad. Pero kailangan pa bang hintayin kong dumating sa puntong iyon?


* "Everyone has this so-called 'snapping point.' It's that certain situation when one realizes how damn tired he already is. He's bumped too many walls, drowned in too many rivers, crossed too many boundaries, and basically fell too many times."

- Excerpt from So not welcome anymore (Circa April 2006)

- I've been busy job-hunting the past week. I think I'm waiting for at least 5 (new) application results. I lost count because I just keep on submitting resumes online and saying yes to interviews and exams, unlike before when I became very choosy.

- I have a job offer on Monday. The company's not on the top of my list, but we'll see. Wish me luck!

- I had a disaster exam last Thursday - essay on economic concepts and accounting analysis. Gee, I thought the exam will only be those mental ability types. I came unprepared. It's been more than a year since school so, you know, I need to refresh! But anyway, the interview afterward saved the day. It's the best I've had so far. I apologized for my test, but the bosses assured me that it's okay. They were pretty cool, and I'm hoping to get an offer from them too.

- 11 days to go before CDO-Camiguin... though my excitement and enthusiasm kind of went down the drain. I actually haven't re-booked my flight yet. Now I'm thinking twice about it.


"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."

I'm your typical travel procrastinator - finalizing plans, printing tickets, and packing a few hours before flight. Even when I had to pack JVP stuff, which was supposed to be my only stuff for 10 long months, I crammed.

But this trip is an exception. I already have my itinerary, budget estimate, and things-to-bring written on my handy dandy notepad. Even my daily outfit for the entire trip are already planned. All that's left to do is put all those stuff in my bag, shop for still-missing items, solicit pocket money, and I'm good to go.

EXCITED, MUCH? Yeah, tell me about it!

Well, I admit this is also a product of boredom and insomnia. Seriously, this unemployment thing is driving me nuts. Doing nothing is kind of unhealthy for me.


Top 5 (selfish) reasons why I need to get a job soon:

1) To reset body clock

2) To correct eating habits

3) To not watch telenovelas

4) To not Facebook/Twitter all day

5) To earn money

• To live in a condo or apartment
• To travel
• Etcetera (you know, money can mean a lot of things)

Why did I ever stop job-hunting? Now I have to start all over again. Jobstreet and JobsDB, can we renew our friendship please?

What we initially feel is something that we cannot decide on. We feel happy, sad, angry, excited, giddy, upset, annoyed, bitter (and the list goes on) whether we like it or not. But what we eventually do with that feeling - either we express it or hide it; either we dwell on it or let it go - is completely our choice.

Emotions are very powerful. At one point in our lives, we may have experienced being blinded by our feelings, causing us to come up with seemingly unconscious choices. Not that we should entirely disregard what we feel; we just shouldn't let ourselves get overwhelmed with it. The head and the heart may clash most of the time, but they both play a part in decision-making.

My emotions are currently mismanaged. I keep coming up with raw decisions that I can't afford to stick to. Well you can't tell me that I haven't been using my head. On the contrary, I think I've done enough thinking that can last me a lifetime.

I can't make clear choices on what to do with my feelings. I change course as fast as I change clothes. But maybe that's normal, especially since there are other factors involved aside from my emotions.

What's abnormal is my tendency to dwell on the negative for so long to the point that it's already destructive. I just can't let go. Even on rare occasions when my head and heart are already telling me the same thing, I still don't listen. Some call it pride, some call it pessimism, while some simply call it stubbornness.

From now on, I will learn the art of letting go. And consciously choosing to love at the same time.

I suck in doing confrontational talks. I've improved a lot in the past years, but I still suck.

Unless we're really close, you'll never hear me talk non-stop. And even if we're really close, you won't hear me talk continuously for a full minute unless you asked me something. I can't be your typical anything-under-the-sun conversationalist. I'm fond of giving side comments, remarks, or follow-up's on ongoing conversations, but I normally don't initiate telling a story. In short, I'm not talkative.

So can you imagine me being a NAGGER?

I can write a long letter explaining in great detail what I feel, but I can't NAG. Or can I?

It just happened over the phone, but still. I blurted out words that shocked even myself. I wasn't thinking clearly. I just let my anger do the talking. I knew I'd regret it, but I was unstoppable.

I thought my outburst was necessary to get my point across. After all, my past letters didn't work. I felt bad about it, especially because I threw some harsh words (I'm sorry), but I told myself that if this is what it takes to make an impact, then so be it.

Guess what? It didn't work. Nothing seems to work!

I'm starting to think that this situation is bringing out the WORST in me.

"Stop Trying to Fix People", written by Bo Sanchez, found its way to my yahoomail inbox at the right time.

These two are my favorite parts, not to mention the exact words I needed to hear:

1) "The first level of acceptance is tolerance. The second level is appreciation."

2) "You can never fix anyone. Yes, you should inspire. You should guide. You should teach. But you cannot force. At the end of the day, the only thing you can do is to love the person by creating space for the other person to fix himself."


Read the article if you have time. It's inspiring.

Manila is too congested that I'm thinking of leaving.

If not for family and friends, it would be easier to decide to live someplace else - not abroad but in relatively progressive cities away from Manila, such as Davao, Cebu, or Cagayan de Oro (maybe even in provinces that are about an hour away from those cities). Dili na bitaw ko mabaligya kung didto ko magpuyo kay feeling Bisdak na jud kaayo ko. Hehe.

The only other thing hindering me is the availability of job opportunities. Manila offers such wide variety of work, which makes it safe to assume, that I'm bound to find one that will satisfy me financially and otherwise. A lot of people share the same sentiment, that's why everyone wants to flock here in the first place.

If only investments outside the metro can be boosted and developed, then decongesting this poor, highly dense city would be a breeze. I might be one of those who would hurry up and pack my bags.

I want to live a simple and quiet life - the type where you can be one with nature, which is quite impossible here in this very polluted and overpopulated capital.

Maybe someday I'll do just that.

I've never really discussed this with anyone, so I don't know how the hell I'm going to write about it.

Not many people know that I am (or 'was'? I'm confused) in a long distance relationship.

When those few who actually know ask me how it is, I automatically answer "mahirap", without attempting to explain why.

I believe it's possible for long distance relationships to work. It's hard, but it's possible. Just like any other relationships, TRUST and COMMUNICATION are very essential elements. Whether your partner lives miles away or with you in the same house, it's a challenge to trust completely and communicate effectively, but of course proximity has its advantage. Distance requires more effort and creativity. When you can't be there for your partner physically, you have to do something else to make up for not seeing each other. And mind you, it's difficult to constantly think what kind of "something else" would ever suffice. Texting or talking on the phone eventually grows old, you know.

I've always thought LDR's will be way easier if:

1) The relationship has a strong foundation, meaning you have been together for several months or years before you become separated;

2) There is a specific time when it will no longer be long distance, and there are concrete ways on how you'll get there. It may not be an exact date, but at least an estimate; it may not be detailed plans, but at least an assurance.

We have known each other for roughly three months, and then I had to leave. We didn't become officially together while we still had the chance to see each other everyday. We only became a couple after around four months of not seeing each other.

And the bigger challenge is... we don't know WHEN or HOW we can end the "long distance" part of our relationship.

Actually, our problems are way more complicated than just distance. We're having more difficulty dealing with our DIFFERENCES than dealing with our not being physically together. We grew up in extremely different environments, causing us to have extremely different mindset on things.

I have faith that all these differences can be overcome. Like what I said before, "kung gusto, kahit mahirap, ginagawan ng paraan."

But you know what's sad? I think I'm the only one going out of my way to make this work. Sure, he doesn't want our relationship to end. But he always leaves everything to fate. "Bahala na" is his favorite mantra. Why not DO SOMETHING, instead of simply waiting for what may or may not happen?

The funny thing is I didn't want to start this LDR in the first place. I didn't think I can handle it. It's just his persistence that made me give in. I assumed he knows how to handle it, that's why he kept on insisting. At the very least, I assumed he'll HELP ME handle it.

I thought by now - almost a year after - things would be easier to manage. Well, I thought wrong.

For the past month, I haven't blogged anything that requires me to think deeply or examine my feelings. I've been trying to avoid my issues, which when written, become more real. I thought I could battle with my issues until they get resolved. Sad to say I'm stuck, and there's nothing I can do right now but write.

This may or may not be a series of entries, depending on my mood in the coming days.

Let me start off with my most recent status in Facebook, "Sabi nila kailangan daw makuntento ng isang tao. But what if I believe I DESERVE better?"

There are at least two different perspectives that one can have about the very same thing. A good example would be the half glass of water which can be seen as either half-empty or half-full.

I used to think the problem lies with my expecting too much, and maybe it really does. Yet there's this so-called other side of the coin. It may be perceived that no effort has been exerted to meet my expectation or even reach a fraction of it.

I will understand if he says he's doing his best, and it's just that his best wasn't good enough. But then again, he admits he's not, possibly because he doesn't think he can. I do believe he can. I know I should convince him to also believe in himself, but I can only do so much motivating. We've been having the same conversations over and over, and it gets frustrating when nothing seems to be changing.

On the other side of the coin (again), I need to do my part by stretching my patience, though I admit I'm kind of tired and there's only so much that I can tolerate.

I expect a lot only because I believe I deserve a lot. Or maybe that's just me, and there's a whole new different perspective that I've yet to see.

It's been 9 months... but we're going nowhere.


Men get puzzled how women can make a big deal out of an issue. Sometimes they don't even realize that there IS an issue. Well, blame it to women's over-thinking tendencies.

Lend me your NOTHING BOX, please?

Difference between men's brain and women's brain
Excerpt from Mark Gungor's presentation in
"Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" seminar

Just like the rest of the Ateneo community, I thought we were going to get the title as early as last Sunday. But UE played great, Espiritu was on fire, and our defense was weak, so there had to be a deciding game. That day was seriously draining, especially since I almost forgot how losing felt like, and by 20 points at that!

Yet the painful loss only further ignited the burning desire to win the championship. WE ALL BELIEVED. I was there when the Season 69 nightmare (i.e. UST won Games 2 and 3) happened. I knew in my heart that the team won't let it happen again.





I wasn't in the mood to go to the bonfire celebration, but being in the Gesu after Game 3 and hearing the graduating players' speeches were already enough for me. I especially loved Jai's well-prepared message, which he sheepishly admitted that he wrote the night before Game 2.

My favorite parts: 1) To his cousin Ice of the Eaglets - "Tinutukso yan na puro airball ang tira. Ang di nila alam after practice, nag-eextra 1000 shots pa yan. Pero wala eh, ganun pa rin talaga"; 2) To MVP - "Ang ganda ng chopper mo"; and 3) To Klaire - "Even if you're mad at me 20 hours a day, I just want you to know that I treasure those moments" and "Nakakahiyang mag-'I love you' sa harap ng maraming tao... kaya mamaya na lang siguro pagdating sa bahay."

Or something to that effect. I'm not that obsessed to remember everything in verbatim. Haha.

Thanks Nonoy for your powerful blocks, Rabeh for your monster lay-ups and jump shots, and Jai for your killer treys.

From AA's Facebook status, which she got somewhere else: "YEAH! Sobrang sarap ng gising ko. Sarap ng gising CHAMPION. So, natulog uli ako at nagising uli para BACK TO BACK!" HAHA.

And now the 3-peat challenge is on! Eric, Ryan, Nico, Eman, and Kirk... time to shine!

A smashing success!

The concert was star-studded, though honestly, I didn't recognize most of them even if I saw them up close backstage. They're mostly Kapamilya stars, and well, I never watch ABS-CBN shows. I didn't even know who Maja and Denise (the birthday girls and MFC organizers) were! Haha.

Anyway, I want to share briefly how I became part of this project. I saw the link to miofightscancer from Ala Paredes' blog. I immediately admired the way Jasmine Mendiola (Mio's mom) writes about her son's battle. Her entries are mostly about how she copes with being a single mom to a cute smart boy dealing with the "enemies in his body", and how thankful she is for all the generosity that other people have been showing. Her words and stories - though sometimes so random - have the power to tug anyone's heartstrings.

It's also through the website that I learned that Jasmine and her friends, the so-called MioWarriors, are planning several projects to cover Mio's medical expenses. Because the blog MOVED me in so many ways, I became a MioWarrior myself.

The Mio projects are not all about Mio. They also aim to raise awareness about cancer and generate funds that will eventually help other cancer patients as well. I think a foundation will be set up soon.

This particular thing will continue to occupy my mind and make me busy in the upcoming weeks, so there's no need to elaborate on it yet.

Damn it!

While on the LRT earlier, I was complaining in my head how commuting to Ateneo wastes two hours of my precious time. And that I won't survive regularly commuting from Malabon to essentially anywhere, unless you'd want to deal with a very cranky Charmie. (EDIT: I'm referring to hardcore commuting, as in riding more than one public transpo with a lot of walking and waiting in between. Not the cab- or shuttle- type of commuting where all I have to do is sit the entire time.)

So as luck will have it, I am currently in Katipunan for apparently NO REASON AT ALL. I am beyond pissed off right now.

There's no one to blame but myself, really.

I was supposed to attend a JVP meeting. I was initially told that it's on a Wednesday (i.e. today). But I received a text message this morning that it's on October 8 (i.e. tomorrow). Being a groggy morning person, I didn't read the message thoroughly and assumed that it's just a reminder of tonight's meeting.

The JVP office was empty when I arrived, which made the situation even worse. There's no one to console me, or to laugh at with me about my stupidity.

So here I am... being extra-ordinarily cranky. The first thing that came to mind when I figured out my mistake was "I need to go to Starbucks." I don't know why.

Well at least I have my journal and iced tall Caramel Macchiato to make me feel a little better.

With all these said, there's no way I'm commuting home tonight! (EDIT: In the end, I did commute home. Someone used our car, so my dad can't pick me up. I was out of the house for FIVE - or wait, was it six? - HOURS, most of it spent on commuting, and the best part is... *sing it with me* "it's all for nothing, nothing, nothing.")