Commuting, especially to and from Malabon, is something that I won't be willing to do everyday.

A 30-minute (which can extend to an hour) jeepney ride to Monumento is always necessary. Then the mode of transpo after that depends on my mood. If I'm feeling lazy, cab is the way to go. But as long as I have time and energy to spare, I go for LRT/MRT. I love riding trains because it saves me from traffic, but I hate going up and down the stairs, walking in polluted and overcrowded roads on the way to the station, lining up for tickets, and standing in a full train during rush hour.

For the past weeks, I avoided going out. I only went out for official businesses (job interviews, getting transcript in Ateneo, NSTP workshop). If done only once or twice a week, commuting is tolerable. But beyond that, I think my body would give up on me and my patience would be stretched to the limit.

Let's take going to Ateneo for example. I used to do this: jeep to Monumento, then Php150-200 cab to Ateneo. If I take a bus (which I won't do because riding metro buses ALONE makes me uneasy), I'll have to alight in SM North Edsa, then jeep to UP, then jeep to Katipunan. Talk about hassle.

Ever since that MRT extension started, traffic in EDSA-Balintawak has been unbearable. So I've been taking the alternative route: jeep to Monumento, LRT1 to Doroteo Jose, LRT2 to Katipunan, then trike to Ateneo. This, too, is a hassle but it's the lesser evil.

Now, if I'm not willing to commute on a daily basis, what will happen when I'm already employed? It's either I beg my mom to let me drive her Innova (which is close to impossible because she doesn't even let my brother use it) or I rent a place near my office (which will make me bankrupt even before I start opening a bank account).

Maybe for the first few months, I will try my very best to commute until I save up for a car (make this first few years) or a house (make this first few decades? Haha).

Orrrr.... "Mama, buy me a car or a condo unit, payable when able. Pretty pretty pretty please?"

Nah, I no longer want to be that spoiled, right? Right? :))

We'll see what will happen.


"Napakaraming tao sa Maynila, karamihan pa nakatambay lang kung saan saan. Nakakairita." - my status in Facebook yesterday

You never get to experience Manila in its real essence, unless you commute. You know, the jeep-train-bus kind of commute, accompanied with walking on over/under-passes and sidewalks. When you do so, you get to interact and often literally BUMP with different kinds of people. And you get to observe first-hand the problems - illegal urban dwellers, unemployed adults, out-of-school youth, beggars, mga siga sa kanto, overpopulated areas, traffic violations, child labor, and street crimes, to name a FEW - that the Philippines is facing.

I suppose being irritated and DISTURBED by those things is one of the good (or bad, you decide) things that commuting may bring.

This entry was supposed to be about this realization that I had yesterday when I commuted to and from Intramuros, when I walked along the busy streets of Manila for the first time in a long time. I don't know why it became an I-don't-want-to-commute and I-want-a-car-or-condo type of entry. Haha.

I miss the province, but there's no way I'm leaving this chaos in the city. At least not until I reach my retiring age.

* * * * *

MANILA, Philippines – When I was a PR officer at Manila Hotel, I was assigned to head the annual Orphan’s Christmas Party where 300 children from different orphanages around Metro Manila were treated to a day of fun and surprises. It was one of the biggest projects on my plate and it was such a challenge to focus on work the day before the big event, knowing Michael Jackson was billeted in the hotel.




Two nights before, I had been fortunate to be part of his welcome line at the hotel lobby together with the rest of the PR and sales staff but was content enough to see him walk by.

The day before, a guy claiming to be Michael Jackson’s aide from Mamarao Productions came to the office. I couldn’t recall his name but he looked for the “person in charge” and said his boss had read the announcement about the event in the Dear Guest flyers we had circulated to all the rooms a week before. Michael wanted to know how he could help. His aide went up to the Penthouse and down to the PR office several times after we gave our suggestions.

Michael offered to fill up the 300 loot bags with goodies and toys, candies and chocolates. But after getting close to 50 sponsors, it was actually a problem for us to dispose of everything.

So I thought hard…how can the King of Pop meaningfully join the affair? I couldn’t possibly have him be with the kids in the palayok game or the pabitin as he might end up being mobbed! And since the annual event was really all about giving, I mustered all my courage and told the Mamarao guy that the best thing I could think of was for Michael to literally be present to help distribute the loot bags, sign autographs and pose with the children for photos. “Wow, that may not be easy. You’re talking about handing goodie bags to 300 children and I can just imagine the chaos. We’ll see, Ms. Jacinto. I’ll get back to you,” he said.

Lunch break came and it was the most hurried one I ever took in my entire life. It wasn’t until after 5 p.m. that Michael‘s aide came back and said, “Michael is more than happy to do whatever you suggest. How do we go about it tomorrow?”

I wanted to scream. I had to calm myself and regain composure as the Lizzie Maguire in me said, “Get real, get back into focus.”

We agreed that Michael would join after the games, musical program and snacks, and at the last part to give out the loot bags. My colleague Annette Africano and boss Dulce Agnir requested for additional security around the garden and the stage area as this was where we decided to distribute the gifts. We made sure the children would form an orderly line.

Then the moment arrived. It was at the Champagne Gardens on Dec. 7, 1996. I was surprised to see him walking towards us, guided by his aide. Michael came up to me as I had to brief him.

“Hi, how are you? Thanks so much for letting me in, I know I’m early ’coz I didn’t want to miss the program.”

I said, “Are you kidding? Thanks so much for volunteering! Here’s what Michael, why don’t you just sit here and watch the musical numbers before we get into the gift giving. I will have to tweak the program a bit.”

He replied, “Sure, anything you say… (pausing to look at my name tag) Gwen!”
I was stunned at how incredibly sweet and modest he was. And in my mind it was, “Oh my God, this is really happening!”

Amazing how he patiently sat through the whole program. Carol Banawa, then an Ang TV mainstay couldn’t believe MJ was watching her perform. She had her red blouse signed by him right after her number. Then followed Stefano Mori’s dance number. Later, his back up singers and dancers came up on stage followed by select kids from different orphanages who danced to the beat of Billie Jean. Oh, the smile on Michael’s face was just amazing.

Then we announced that Michael will be distributing gifts onstage. I explained to him that there’s a loot bag for the younger kids and another for the older ones and he nodded. The thrill and excitement he gave those children was incredibly touching. It was in between the gift bag distribution that I caught a glimpse of MJ, not as a performer but as a person.

It was one in the afternoon. Santa Claus (David Endriga, a friend of fellow PR officer Francis Capistrano) was with us. The heat was scourging and I was worried that Michael felt so hot with his black long-sleeved signature attire and hat.
“Are you alright Michael? We can let you take a break,” I asked.

He said, “I’m cool Gwen. Just imagine how Santa feels inside his velvet suit and beard. We’ll be fine.”

I never heard him complain or say a word about how hot it was or how long the line was. He had the most beautiful manners. He didn’t even ask for a drink or a towel to wipe his sweat but one of our banquet staff made sure he got a glass of fresh orange juice.

An hour passed and we were halfway through gift-giving when we noticed that the garden was getting filled up. Suddenly, there were people from media, politicians, officials and hotel guests including those in a wedding reception at the nearby Champagne Room who deserted the newly-weds just to get a glimpse of the King of Pop.

“Oh oh, this isn’t supposed to be, I’m so sorry,” I said. It’s all right, we’ll get through it,” Michael said smiling.

As we finished giving out the last loot bag to an 11-year-old orphan, a new line of more kids and adults formed. Michael’s bodyguard, Wayne, said. “We can leave now.”

Michael replied calmly, “We can’t leave when there are still people in line. It’s Christmas, dude.”
I felt my heart beat faster and the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood up. He wasn’t just the most electrifying performer, but the most generous person.

One of the most memorable moments was when a lady came up to him for an autograph. Laughing and holding his tummy, he said “Hey Gwen, you’ve gotta check this out. He whispered, “It’s a blank check. The lady is making me sign on a blank check.”

We laughed hard and little did we know that it wasn’t even half of the comedy. He later showed me and Wayne other stuff people would use or pick up on the ground when they couldn’t find paper for him to sign on. One lady made him sign at the back of her elegant, designer Filipiniana gown. One teenager came up to him holding a dead leaf and another one, a popped balloon. Imagine how our laughter ballooned as well.

It was an amazing, genuine experience. At one point he asked if I was going to catch his History concert and I said “tomorrow night.”

“Oh, you’ll have a blast!” Michael told me.

At this point he became concerned about the stage as adults outnumbered the kids. His face had nervousness written all over it but he still didn’t complain. He tapped the wooden floor with his foot several times making sure it was sturdy enough not to fall apart. “I’ve experienced the stage collapse and I just want to make sure we’re all safe here,” he explained.
Half of me wanted the line to finish because we were literally melting and worried about our safety, but half of me didn’t, knowing that once the line ended, Michael will leave.

At some point it did end. I managed to get an autograph for my sisters and me before our general manager, Clem Pablo, requested him to sing Give Love on Christmas Day.

Cesar Sarino, one of the hotel’s officials, addressed his thank you note to the King of Pop. Then I saw his guards and aides whisking Michael off stage.

I said in my mind, “Oh man, I didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye.”

Suddenly, I saw Michael return on stage and say, “Thanks so much to you and your team, Gwen. This really means a lot.”

Then he held me beside him and said, “I’ll see you at the concert.”

As Michael Jackson is laid to rest and returned to pristine condition in the afterlife, these two incredible acts of the King of Pop — volunteering for charity and unselfishly spending time with the less fortunate, will forever be the way I will remember this man.

* * * * *

Because I've been reading Inquirer.net the past days...

Bombings in Mindanao. I am deeply sad about what's happening in Cotabato City, Iligan City, Lanao del Norte, Sulu, and Sarangani Province. WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THESE ATTACKS? Innocent civilians are suffering. Where are the hearts of the perpatrators of these unforgivable acts? The MILF denied the accusations. Whether or not they're saying the truth, I hope thorough investigation would actually take place. Filipinos treating these issues in Mindanao as some kind of natural or normal occurrences already is another thing to be sad about. It's like people are so used to it to care that much.

MJ's memorial service. I stayed up 'til 4AM, along with thousands of people all over the world, to send off the King of Pop. It's really during eulogies such as this that we get to know the greatness of a person, which usually went unnoticed or got taken for granted when the person was still alive. True, Michael Jackson is undeniably great as a performer, composer, singer, and entertainer. But very few understood his greatness as a father, brother, son, and friend. Immediately after the memorial service, I checked out Heal the World Foundation in the internet because that's what struck me most about him - his being a humanitarian. Rest in peace, MJ. You are an inspiring legend.

GMA's breast implants. Our government is unbelievable. What the hell can probing about the President's breast implants do to our country? I am so annoyed with our so-called leaders, especially the opposition. I am not pro-GMA, but really, what's the big deal? I'm sure there are PLENTY of other RELEVANT issues to discuss. And if they want to make sure that GMA will be kicked out in 2010, are they really expecting that fake breasts will be her downfall?


The more I move towards succumbing to the corporate monsters, the more I realize that it's NOT what I was born to do.

Dear Maria Kharmita,

Congratulations! We are glad to announce that you have been accepted for freelance essay writer position with our company.

We also need to attract your attention to the fact that you are to start taking orders in our company during the next 6 weeks, otherwise your account will be temporarily deactivated. We hope this period will be enough for getting acquainted with company rules and writing guide.

Thank you for choosing our company.


In fairness, I didn't think I'd get accepted.

I took an online test a few days ago. The first part was very easy - just a grammar check. The second part was also easy, though the time pressure made it difficult. I was asked to write about the most recent film I watched, which was Transformers: The Revenge of the Fallen. I had to follow a certain structure and use given keywords. I've only written 3 short paragraphs (and used 3 out of 12 keywords) when the 15-minute time allotment ended. If only I blogged about the movie after I watched it, then the test would have been a no-brainer. But anyway... I still passed!

I actually have no idea how this whole thing works. I've yet to read the guidelines and policies of the company. At least I now have a freelance, home-based job. If only I could find a FULL-TIME one soon.

While browsing for possible jobs online, I realized AGAIN how lost I am.

As a Management Economics graduate, what do I specialize in? Tough question.

If ever I choose to go corporate, I want a finance-related work. But what aspect of finance exactly? Despite taking extra units of it back in college, I don't remember most of what I learned. I seriously want to go to Starbucks and browse through my finance books all day. Spell n-e-r-d, please. My mind seems so rusty, I'd willingly take further studies any moment (Scholarships abroad, anyone? Haha).

I also thought of trying part-time jobs, even home-based ones, while waiting for the appropriate full-time work. But what skill can I invest on the most? WRITING. Then again, my writing needs a looooot of improvement too. I haven't done any serious writing for a long time.

Now that I'm out of school, I want to study a lot of things. I want to take MBA/CFA. Investment Management. Financial analysis. International Business. Accountancy. Creative writing. Journalism. Culinary arts.

As all these thoughts create a whirlpool in my head, I often find myself staring at my restaurant and watching customers complain about my employees' slow service. Yes, in RESTAURANT CITY. Boredom is eating me alive.

At least I have a raket on Saturday. I'll facilitate a NSTP session in Ateneo. Wish me luck on handling Atenean sophomores. I hope I won't be stuck with a (insert conyo and other related terms here) block. Please.

My SMART number will be temporarily unavailable starting tomorrow. I'll use it again when I'm already capable of buying a new cellphone. I wonder when.


...but we'll still talk, don't worry.

Unsa man ni oy? Pila ka bulan na ko ga-bum ra.

Dili ko kabalo unsa akong himuon sa akong kinabuhi. Asa gyud ko mag-work? Kanus-a ko mangita ug seryosohan?

Mingaw na ko sa akong JVP year. At least naa ko gibuhat ato pirmi ug naay gi-look forward nga seminars kauban akong batchmates. Unta naa na lang ko sa Kiamba - gatambay sa munisipyo, gatabang sa projects, gasuroy sa plaza, gakaon ug buko shake, galingaw sa simpleng kinabuhi. Wa man gud ana diri sa Manila. Kung dili lang daghan akong gusto buhaton career-wise (bisag dili ko sure kung unsa gyud), mopuyo ug mowork na ko didto.

Hay. Lami kaayo balikan ang makalipay nga kinabuhi sa probinsya. Puhon.


P.S. Tulo ka-adlaw pa lang ko wa nagtubag sa iyaha maskin sige ra siya ug text. Ambot kung modugay ko nga ing-ani mi. Lisod kaayo kay wa jud distractions.

Please teach me how to smile.

Okay, this is not some emo post about me not being able to smile these days. I literally don't know how to smile now - in front of the camera, that is.

Since January, my right jaw has been aching, and I hear some clicking sounds every time I yawn, eat, speak, brush my teeth, or any action that involves opening my mouth. Around March, a doctor told me that I have TMJ syndrome. It's too complicated to explain in detail, but basically my jaw joints are misaligned. My bite needs to be corrected (my lower teeth needs to be repositioned) so that my jaw can re-adjust. To do this, I need to wear a SPLINT for 6 months or so.

Wearing this splint is uncomfortable for plenty of reasons:

-- I cannot chew properly.
-- I choke on my saliva.
-- I bite my tongue.
-- I mispronounce some words.
-- And as mentioned, I can't flash an attractive smile.

My JVP friends and I volunteered for Cartwheel Foundation, an organization that aims to bring education to Indigenous Peoples (IP's). Reconnecting with our Roots: a Cultural Exchange, held in CCP last Sunday, was a musical concert directed by award-winning Director Floy Quintos. It culminated the Music and Arts Education Program of Carthwheel, in cooperation with Cultures in Harmony (CiH), a group of American classical musicians.

The concert featured the unique cultures of 3 tribes namely the Tala-andig of Miarayon, Bukidnon, the Umajam of Cabanglasan, Bukidnon, and the Ichananaw of Tinglayan, Kalinga. It was 3 years in the making. The CiH immersed with each of the 3 communities, where exchange workshops occured.

The most beautiful part of the concert was of course the collaboration of American classical musicians and Filipino ethnic tribes. Seeing those foreigners dance our ethnic dance was UNITY IN DIVERSITY at its finest.

The whole time that I was watching, a huge smile didn't leave my face. No kidding! I realized how I really wanted to work for and advocate the IP's (along with special children). I actually wished that my JVP area was an IP community. There are just so many things to learn from their culture. And I believe that they are not barumbado, bastos and ungrateful like most urban - and even some rural - poor communities. Maybe I'm generalizing, but still.

Anyway, I just can't help but feel some sense of pride when they start to feel PROUD of their culture. Most of the IP's I encountered before were painfully shy to express themselves, but seeing them sing and dance (and even speak in English with obvious difficulty) CONFIDENTLY last Sunday... no wonder I was smiling like crazy!

I still get confused, though, on how to draw the line between preserving their culture and exposing them to modern times so as not to be left behind entirely. But that's a different issue altogether. Hehe.

If you want to volunteer for Cartwheel's future activities, you may sign up here.


PRAXIS-mates, let's go back to Maporak?

It's crazy to drive around Makati.

All the recent times that I went there with a car - not counting going to Glorietta, SM, or Landmark - I got lost. What's frustrating is sometimes, I know exactly where to go (rather, the one who's driving knows)... we just don't know where to turn. The one way's and the no left/right/U- turn's are there to regulate traffic better, but it's CRAZY. That place should be filled with instructions on how to get to this and that street. There are plenty of ways, but I want the EASIEST and FASTEST route!

I went to Makati today to have my third and last interview for CSJ Foundation, CSR branch of Philippine Transmarine Carriers, Inc. I think I no longer want that job. My first two interviews seemed ages ago, I thought the whole thing was already forgotten. I was still based in Nueva Ecija then. A friend's mom called and asked me if I wanted to try, and so I did. Fast forward to today, I just went because I have nothing else to do, and I have yet to receive a response from the one and only company I applied to - WORLD VISION.

The Executive Director interviewed me, and there are two things I realized: 1) I need to stop the annoying habit of saying "really" way too many times when answering questions; 2) The reason why I don't want the job is I'm afraid to start from scratch (the foundation is only 6 months young!), and I want a more structured/defined work, coming from a no-structure-at-all JVP experience in GK.

It's funny that in the middle of the interview, the ED told me, "You know, you have impressive experiences, you should work at PBSP or something." Yes Ma'am, that's actually the 2nd company that I'll apply to, I'm just waiting for my transcript.

Not that I don't want to help jump-start CSJ Foundation if ever they choose to hire me - especially since all my interviewers seemed really nice (oh crap, I also use "really" way too many times when I write!) - but I want to get an experience first on established companies/organizations before trying out this starting-from-scratch thing again. Or maybe, I'll also try it if World Vision or PBSP won't accept me. Who knows?

Now, where else should I apply?

The wee hours are the most trying times. Whenever I lie awake in bed, struggling to sleep, feelings that were trapped during the day creep in like monsters.

I block unwanted thoughts through TV series and Facebook games, but a certain painful reality refuses to get intercepted. Somehow, it always manages to jump over the fence. And automatically as it lands, I get this obsessive urge to text.

Shall I lock my cellphone in my drawer? Throw my sim card in the trash?

...Or shall I take back what I said?

This scene still plays vividly in my head.

I was on my way to Ortigas to meet my friends and celebrate my birthday with them. I went up to the MRT station in North Edsa, and started feeling bad as I queued up in the "Exact Fare" line to buy my ticket. I felt dizzy, so I popped in two mint candies to ease it up a bit. As the line moved forward, I felt worse. I experienced shortness of breath, and I panicked because I was all alone. The first thought that came to mind was if I collapse in the middle of the crowd, somebody might take advantage and steal my bag. And so I told myself that if it gets far worse than it already was, I will run to the guards and ask for help.

I was already near the front of the line when it happened. My vision started to blur, my world spinned, and my knees wobbled. I walked toward the guards as planned and rested my head on the metal gate, trying in vain to breathe normally. One of the guards thought I made a mistake and pointed to me where to enter, but to that I answered: "Kuya, nahihilo ako."

And then... TOTAL DARKNESS. I was conscious. I did hear them tell me that they're going to bring me to the office, and I think I replied with "saan?" very softly. Even though I knew what was happening, I couldn't see.. and I couldn't walk. If not for the two guards, I would have fallen right there on the ground in front of many people. But who cares? I couldn't even see them!

It took about 15 to 20 seconds to bring me to the office and let me sit on a chair. When I was already seated, my vision slowly got back, and my world stopped spinning. Though I was still feeling weak, I knew I'll be okay. THANK GOD. And thank Manong guards.

An ointment and a hand massage after, I was back to normal and ready to go. I thought of canceling the dinner with my friends, but I was confident that I'll manage to get there just fine. Yet to be safe and sure, I called my mom, told her the story, and got fetched in a few minutes.

I didn't see a doctor, so I'm really curious on why it happened. I ate before I left home. It's not my time of the month. I didn't feel sick at all on the way to the station. SO WHY? It occurred without any warning and at a time when I was alone in the middle of unknown people - it scared the hell out of me!

I imagined the characters in one of my recently-read favorite book Blindness who unexpectedly lost their sight. As paranoid as I became, the author's description of how they lost their vision ran through my semi-passed out self earlier. Though I only experienced seeing nothing for a few seconds, I still felt so helpless. I hope it won't happen again.

I'm not the type who plans her life down to the most intricate details. I believe that a lot of opportunities will unexpectedly pop out of nowhere, that even if I do have plans, I know that I'm bound to change my mind over and over. But even if all the things I want to do in life are open to changes and revisions, I do have these two non-negotiables that I sort of vowed to stick to.

- I will never ever change my religion.
- I will not get married in the next 5 years.

Why these two? I got asked several times about religion and marriage in the past year, and I realized that I have such firm personal takes on the matter. Well I also got asked about career a lot, but that falls under the will-just-come-spontaneously category.

Only the second non-negotiable needs some explaining. I estimate that 5 years is the MINIMUM time that I need to have a stable source of income - the type that can already support a family. You see, I feel a certain resentment towards people who get married (or worse, get pregnant outside of marriage) when they're not yet stable enough to give their kids what they deserve. It's the innocent poor little children who suffer the consequences of their stupid parents' decisions. Yeah I know, these things happen. But the least that people can do is strive to be stable fast enough to still give their kids what they deserve. Unfortunately, it's often not the case.

Anyway, I digressed. Aside from the stability issue, I also want to savor my being single. I want to travel to places, study more, discover my passion, try different adventures - which I won't be able to do if I tie myself up to a lifetime commitment a.k.a enormous responsibility in less than 5 years.

With this kind of independent attitude, I never thought that hearing "you're free" could be so non-liberating. I've always wanted to be free. I was even willing to beg for it. But when I already heard it being said, I started asking myself whether or not being free is really what I want.

There's no sense in finding out the answer because I actually don't have a choice here. The other alternative is impossible. As I've written here a few months back, I can't be that impulsive and stupid just yet. I can't just pack my bags and leave my dreams - my whole life, essentially - behind.

I guess this is it. I will be free. Even if it hurts.

Dear Ms. Lising

Warmest greetings on your birthday! May God continue to grant you and your family all grace and blessings. I will remember you and your birthday intentions at mass.

(Blah blah blah....)

On your birthday, may your dreams come true and may you be with us in helping future Ateneo scholars find that their dreams too can come true.

Happy birthday!

Sincerely in our Lord,

Fr. Bienvenido F. Nebres, S.J.


Wow, I was touched! The letter is all about the Sesquicentennial celebration, but I still appreciate the birthday greetings. Fr. Ben, may the Ateneo give ME a scholarship in the Ateneo Graduate School of Business. Haha.


I downloaded digital Post-it notes because I miss having a to-do list. Ever since I did, the list just keeps getting longer. I haven't gotten around to doing any of them because I'm such a bum the past two weeks.

My laptop is on from the moment I wake up until the last minute before I go to sleep. Either I check and re-check my Blogger, Multiply, and Facebook, or I watch Monk and How I Met Your Mother.

The life of the bored unemployed.

Today, I'll accomplish a very important thing in my to-do list, which will supposedly help me start anew. So help me God.

Something came up and my fingers are on fire.

Why can other people date casually, involve themselves in flings, and not take relationships seriously? Why can't I?

A friend once told me that I'm a heart-breaker. But in my defense, it's mostly because I CANNOT be in a non-exclusive, non-serious relationship. I just can't. If I'm not in love, I don't commit. If I'm in love but I don't see a future, I still don't commit. I turn them down.

After that incident with the guy who "broke up" with me the day after my birthday thru YM, I told myself.. I wouldn't take guys seriously for a while. I will date casually. I will try flings. But I just can't. I can only date one guy at a time. And I cannot commit just for the sake of having a boyfriend.

I think I'm being too forward-looking when I take the future into serious consideration. But I'm just being realistic. Sure, I can wait. I can sacrifice. But I don't want to do it for nothing. I want to be assured.

I am selfish. Even if I never meant to hurt you and break your heart, I still am selfish. All I ever think of is YOU giving up a lot of things. I don't even think of ME giving up that much, or at least meeting you halfway. That's the only way that this could work, right? You give up your world, I give up mine, or we meet in an entirely different one. This may be the most complicated of all complicated relationships.

But that's why I'm putting an end to everything as early as possible. Because I can't carry the guilt of being selfish. And because I can't promise that I'd be willing to make a compromise.

"Committing and making sacrifices is hard, but if it's the right person it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want in life - it should be the easiest thing in the world. But if it's not like that... then she's not the one."

I wish it is easy. I wish it WILL be easy. Too bad, it isn't... and I'm not sure if it will ever be.